HAPPY FUCKING 65TH BIRTHDAY TO ME! (PART 2)

HAPPY FUCKING 65TH BIRTHDAY TO ME! (PART 2)

This is about EVERYTHING. and nothing! Adventures in dating, relationships, employment, creativity, health, and discovering the world from the viewpoint of a half-century artist. I am the right person, in the right place, at the right time. “It’s all in the timing.”

I GIVE UP DATING!

I give up dating! I give up all my online dating activity. Tinder. Geek2Geek, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, eHarmony, SugarDaddy (LOL!), and all the others that I tried and didn’t try. I got four good male friends but no long lasting romantic relationship from 18 years of trying.

After reading more than 100,000 dating profiles (not exaggerating) and dating less than 3 dozen guys, either I’m way too picky or there just isn’t anyone out there for me. In the beginning, there was YahooPersonals! It was early online dating (or much of anything else) and I was missing my late husband for a list of reasons, most urgent companionship. I had not been separated from my husband for more than 6 days in 20 years! Those 6 days was when I took my child to look at a college in upper MA in March during spring break. Before that, the record had been 2 days when George went to SXSW convention. We were inseparable and did very well with so much contact. I even worked for him as his Adm. Asst. when he was DM for United Artists (South Florida). I was strong where he was weak, he was strong where I was weak. We liked that same things and enjoyed each other’s humor. Perfect Match!

There is NO ONE out there that can come close to the match we had. I’ve tried. I tried looking for someone just like him. Nopromise on a few of the likes and dislikes. No. Look for an opposite. No. No. No. I can pretty much tell the scammers from the legit profiles, even though there are so few legit ones. I can tell the shallow, narcissistic ones from the real, human beings.

I’m done. You would think that I could have found one or two that I could settle for, but NO. No one. Nada. I haven’t had sex (with anyone else in the room) for 8 YEARS! My sex toys are wearing out. Time to restock!

Tuesday,

After the encounter documented in Part 1, I sent the following messages. I didn’t take the time to stew over what Ilde had said or think about how I should answer. I just replied from the heart. I was wounded. I had to address the accusations that my child believed to be true, but were not. I was confused as to why she would attack me. Say things that were not true.

After I spoke with my very close friend, Perry (transgender male), I was a little more enlightened as to what Bunbury hookup might have happened in Ilde’s life to cause this breakdown of communication.

[I have to say that you blindsided me. I’m sorry for being so unaware of what you were going thru but you never talked to me about any of it. Any time I would bring up sex while you were growing up, you would shut me down. How was I to know? Did you ever talk to Heather (half sister) about it? Was I suppose to read your mind? You gave no outward clues to any struggle with your identity. I don’t give a shit about whether or not you are publicly “airing dirty laundry” but I do care about you talking to me. About understanding what you are going thru & what I can do to help make our relationship better. I am devastated to the core that I got so many things wrong, that caused you so much pain while you were growing up. But I do have to say that the Pinsker-side of the family not communicating with you (& with me) is not my fault. They abandoned me almost immediately after your dad died.